We are Wholesome Creatures
My cat Chilly is a serial killer. We feed her very well, yet she kills mice for the fun of it. She executes her foolproof plan with perfection, each and every time. Dazzling them with a concussion (I can only assume) and then using an old-bent out of shape-soccer goal as a trampoline, she drops her prey and watches it bounce down the netting. The roulette style maze leaves only the question, where might it hit the ground? And this tantalizes her. She wants what she wants but she’s not done with desire.
The poor mice don’t know it yet, but they are goners from the moment she first catches them. I recognize their tenacious ambition to live. But it makes me think, not all instinct is knowledge.
It’s a challenge to watch. But I can’t turn away. My wild is awakened by the dramatic play. I don’t intervene. I just observe. I find myself seeing it all and just noticing something now inside of me. What is that feeling,…is it a little bit jealous? No that’s not the right word…I’m a little bit impressed.
Without the human consciousness, Chilly is just being a cat. And cats are murderers. Chilly doesn’t have the struggle with imagining how someone else feels when they are being tortured by her. Unburdened by empathy, She’s just experiencing herself. And in her animalistic consciousness, she is base level desire. She wants what she wants. And apparently, she wants 2 mice per day.
Yet, that is not all she wants. About once every day or two, Chilly would like to have a good heavy petting to kick out all of the loose hair and dust. To let you know it is time for her to allow you to do this, she comes up to you sweet as can be and gives you the most precious meows of hello and then lays at your feet and rubs her beautiful cat body, with those dashing contrasting stripes, against a large rock. She looks deep into your eyes, and you are called by your heart to serve her every desire.
You cannot miss the opportunity to rub down the beautiful fur of a sweet meowing murderer who also happens to be able to look into your soul! To effortlessly pull from me, the experience of love for her murderous sweetness, that’s some kind of divinity. My love for Chilly reminds me, wholeness is divine.
I recognize in her, that which is in me. And it’s beautiful. And dark. And wild.
Here we are in this human consciousness and just absolutely terrified to admit we are even a little bit bad. But we are. Because human consciousness is simply an evolution along the continuum of consciousness. The animate is within us. The wild, is within. And the wild, will murder for what it desires.
I realized, sitting and watching Chilly with her prey…she impresses me with her unrelenting contrast. A sweet little murdering beast. A wholesome little house cat.
Why aren’t we accepted for the wild rage we store, the wild fear we feel, the wild tears we cry? Why do we contain our wildness, our wild wants and desires? Why do we allow others to tell us we are bad, when wild simply is? Perhaps this is why I thought myself jealous.
We are in a sticky situation. We can’t get away from the goodness and we can’t get away from the badness. We want what we want and we will hunger and thirst, all of the days of our lives. If the number one thing to do in the animate way is survive, then yes, we have that basic plan in mind.
We are also an evolved expression, along the continuum of expansion, within which we find ourselves…of the human consciousness. In human form, we have this heart. And with this heart, comes this duty. The basic instructions seem to be…Know Thyself. The only rule, Do No Harm.
Will we learn it, when and how we need to learn it? That we are capable of acts of harm, even acts of evil?
I don’t know. I suppose we will or we won’t.
But we are capable. We are wholesome creatures too.